039. petals

The sun today, brought to mind all the clichés about hammers, and saunas; the sheer weight of it pushing me down, slumped in my office with the fan fingering warm air around and I swell like patted dough. 6hours of workshop too, talking about how we should talk more, or talk to different people, or talk in a different way or talk more often. Or just talk to hear ourselves talk. I hate the way my voice becomes strident when I want people to shut up. Picked again for circles, for some edginess, and for the title is Carianne Garside's piece "inside things you hold"

We are not in sync today. I guess that is the way things are but we usually both wilfully ignore that and concentrate on the things we want to see in each other. Today my flower, you do not metaphorically show me your stamen, we are not burst together from the bud where we lay tightly furled, and today it seems as though we do not want that again. Reaching out to the light and time is so short. We let the inside things drop. When the petals fall, we may look back and regret.